I am beat.
The chronic sick, nauseous, painful everything. The weird new diet (hopefully it helps but it’s still just one meal a day), the work overload, the family’s been crazy. My house is super messy and I have done no meal prep.
I also seem to be beating myself up a lot! when you’re sick all the time you can get stuck in this really negative headspace. The I’m not good enough, I can’t do anything, I’ll never get anywhere having to take all this time off. Not to mention comparing yourself to everyone else. Or more importantly, I compare myself to everyone else’s Instagram life and over edited green side snippets. I also tend to push myself too hard. I’m sick anyway, why not flog my body and mind until I pass out right?
I’m trying to work on all this~ But yesterday there was a conference on, and I had to turn up and be pro from 11am-10pm. So I put on a show, felt terrible all day and then crashed when I got home, hair still pinned back in my corporate up-do.
The only weapon I had was managing how I felt today. So the first thing I did was take guilt off the table. I should have been up cleaning the house, washing the dog, researching another in depth blog post. Instead, I spent all day in my PJ’s (yes, I left my house in them. No, I do not care….) I learned to have a lot of PJ’s that work as everyday clothes, because some days showering, changing, and daily crap is just too much. It happens. I napped a lot, and I didn’t cook my husband anything. (I’m a chronic people pleaser…. I will grocery shop according to who’s visiting….)
And I just kept telling myself it was ok. It’s ok to be tired, you haven’t eaten a normal meal in a month. It’s ok to stay in your PJ’s You’re walking the dog and going home to bed, It’s ok to leave the cleaning till tomorrow, also you have a husband that will help if you just ask and stop trying to do everything yourself. (because I have this subconscious fear that if I am not self-sufficient my entire life will collapse around me..)
Long story short, Shit can wait.
Don’t let false magazine images, photoshopped front pages, or the 1000th selfie deemed good enough to go on an Instagram guilt you into thinking that anyone has it easier. Or that things would be better if you had someone else’s life or someone else’s stuff. Everyone faces their own struggles every day, and If you’ve done your best, then you need to give yourself some credit. Especially if you suffer from chronic pain and illness.
Be kind to yourself. If you need to, ask for help.